290: Light Watkins on How to Fly Through the 5 Phases of Transformation

In this solo episode, Light Watkins breaks down the real reason most people struggle with change—it's not a lack of motivation or discipline. It's the lies we keep telling ourselves without realizing it.

Drawing from over two decades of personal practice and coaching thousands of people through lasting transformation, Light outlines the five distinct phases that every meaningful change journey goes through. More importantly, he reveals the hidden trap that keeps you stuck in each phase—sometimes for years.

This isn’t about blowing up your life or waiting for a crisis to force change. It’s about waking up to the quiet moment when you realize you’re tired of your own BS. That’s when the real work begins.

You’ll learn why your big plans often collapse after a week, how the “busy” excuse is just fear in disguise, and why real transformation requires putting something on the line—your money, your time, your reputation. Light also explains the crucial mindset shift that turns change from a short-term goal into a new way of life.

Whether you’re stuck in a loop of starting over or just feeling called to level up in a sustainable way, this episode offers a grounded, step-by-step map for getting unstuck and moving forward. It’s not about changing everything overnight—it’s about choosing the next right action and building momentum one honest choice at a time.

Tune in for relatable stories, hard-earned wisdom, and a powerful framework to help you finally become the person you know you're meant to be.

Transcript

LW: “No one changes or transforms because they intellectually understand that it's the right thing to do. Usually we reach a point where we're just so sick and tired of our own stuff, living a lie. And so the transformation process starts when we decide that we are going to finally stop running. We are going to confront whatever the lie is that we've been telling ourselves or lies, that we've been telling ourselves. And lie is a very harsh word, right? But a lot of this transformation process requires us to get honest to get real with ourselves, and it's not very pretty. It's not very comforting when we take a hard look at the stories and the lies and the deceit that we've been generating within ourselves.”

[INTRODUCTION]
 

Today we have a solo episode where I'm gonna be unpacking the elusive transformation process. I call it elusive because when we usually want to transform any part of our life, it's so hard and it could be so scary to stay the course. In one moment, we're taking the all or nothing approach. In another moment, we get busy and we have to hit the pause button.

But if you've ever tried to change something before. And you couldn't stick with it long enough to see tangible results. There's a 99% chance that you probably neglected to reach this one definitive moment along the transformational journey. And without reaching that moment, lasting change is almost impossible.

But once you arrive at that moment, that's when real transformation becomes inevitable. And then from that point forward, you begin moving through what I call the five phases of transformation.

But here's the catch. Each phase comes with its own seductive traps. And that can keep you stuck in that particular phase for years if you're not aware of those traps.

And so in this solo episode, I'm gonna walk you through each of the five phases of transformation and the corresponding hidden traps, so that you can successfully navigate each stage along the transformation process.

We're gonna go over the most common self-sabotaging excuses that most people fall for without even realizing it. We're gonna go over the true starting point of transformation and why it's not where most people think it is.

And the one thing that you have to have in place, which virtually guarantees success when it comes to change.

And at the end of the episode, i'm gonna reveal the single mindset shift that separates those who actually succeed in the transformation process from those who stay stuck in the off again, on again, loop indefinitely. But let's start right where a lot of us are right now, which is at that moment where change is starting to sort of bubble up within. You're having ideas, you're having desires, and the path to transformation looks more or less linear.

Let's dive in…

[00:03:00] LW: Today's solo episode is about transformation, which is a subject that I have been contemplating for many years. As those of you who are familiar with my story may remember, I got involved in personal development wellness back in the early, early two thousands when I started teaching meditation full time.

[00:03:21] LW: And this is well before there was a thing called the wellness industry. This is back in the days when you would introduce yourself as a meditation teacher, as your profession and people's eyes would gloss over. They would have no idea what you were talking about. They imagined you were living in poverty and working for $2 or $3 donations which was far from the truth for me personally.

[00:03:44] LW: I had a thriving meditation career. I taught thousands of people how to become self-sufficient in meditation, and I got to witness the transformation process, both within myself as well as in those thousands of others who I got to work with personally. this was before, digital online courses and all of that. I'm talking about like in-person, analog, tangible, one-on-one, small groups, et cetera.

[00:04:15] LW: And after I worked with someone, I would keep in touch with them. They would report back what their experiences were. I would have regular, dharma talks where people would come back around and ask follow up questions.

[00:04:27] LW: And so it wasn't unusual for me to be in someone's life for five, six or more years after initially working with them. really getting to know them and hear more about their practice as it evolved.

[00:04:40] LW: So over these years, I have come up with different phases of transformation as it relates to my experience and the teachings.

[00:04:50] LW: So I wouldn't say that these are necessarily validated with science but maybe they'll resonate with you as I lay them out For those of you who've been through a transformational process, yourselves.

[00:05:03] LW: Usually preceding any sort of transformation. As Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, pray, love stated you have to reach a point where you just get tired of your own bullshit.

[00:05:13] LW: In other words, no one changes or transforms because they intellectually understand that it's the right thing to do. Usually we reach a point where we're just so sick and tired of our own stuff. 

[00:05:28] LW: Living a lie. And so the transformation process starts when we decide that we are going to finally stop running. We are going to confront whatever the lie is that we've been telling ourselves or lies plural, that we've been telling ourselves. And lie is a very harsh word, right? But a lot of this transformation process requires us to get honest.

[00:05:52] LW: To get real with ourselves, and it's not very pretty. It's not very comforting when we take a hard look at the stories and the lies and the deceit that we've been generating within ourselves.

[00:06:07] LW: I'm calling the solo episode, the five phases of transformation and the lies that keep you stuck in each one. Just because you initially confront the lies doesn't mean that. They all go away. What happens is they just transform because here's the thing, and I've talked about this before when it comes to learning meditation, I say When you learn meditation, two things are happening. Number one, you're learning this new skill, the skill of sitting with your eyes closed and not doing much.

[00:06:36] LW: But then there's another thing that's happening, which is you're breaking down the old habit of not meditating. And it's the old habit of not meditating that makes the new habit of meditating actually feel quite difficult because your mind is constantly nagging you. Why are you doing this? This is such a waste of time.

[00:06:56] LW: We should be more productive. You know, there's so many things that we need to be doing right now. You're just sitting here with your eyes closed as if you have all the time in the world. And so people come out of that experience and they mistake those thoughts for. the symptom of a broken meditation practice or a broken brain, not realizing the real culprit.

[00:07:17] LW: Which is the old habit of distracting ourselves, of always busying ourselves, of never giving ourselves, quality time, time to de excite, time to center. And so the moment we finally do so, it feels like our brain goes into overdrive and then people mistakenly label that as monkey mind. Oh, I have a monkey mind.

[00:07:39] LW: My mind is all over the place. And actually that's not what's happening. What's happening is your body that has probably been accumulating, so much stress. The moment you stop moving and you sit down and you close your eyes, the body is going to start to hit you with every reason why you should not be having that experience.

[00:08:04] LW: And the thing that we become the most aware of during that process is whatever's being experienced at the surface level of the mind. So that's why people think they have a monkey mind. What's happening is you have a stress body. People who don't have a stressed body typically don't have those monkey mind type of thoughts.

[00:08:25] LW: Okay. If you're relaxed, balanced, fulfilled inside, typically you have mostly optimistic, positive, happy thoughts or curious thoughts. Or if you do have what may seem like negative thoughts, there's more self-awareness around it. Versus when you're on the other end of the spectrum and you're in fear, sadness, anger, boredom for many years and decades at a time, then you have a tendency to over identify with those thoughts when they are experienced in the practice of meditation.

[00:09:00] LW: So that's usually a big light bulb moment for a lot of people, when they first start. The path of learning how to meditate and become self-sufficient because it liberates them from needing to take those kinds of thoughts, personally. And ironically, when you stop personalizing those thoughts, what happens is you're able to relax a little bit more, and as you're able to relax more, the meditation practice works even better.

[00:09:26] LW: Back to the point getting fed up with our own bullshit. When we arrive at that point where we're just sick and tired of being sick and tired, we usually enter into phase one of transformation. Phase one is the stirring, and this is usually the overreaction of thinking that I need to.

[00:09:46] LW: Blow up my life. If the relationship is the problem, I need to eject out of this relationship. If it's the job that's the problem. I need to quit this career. If it's my family, that's the problem. I need to go and overhaul that completely. And so the thing that all of these, reasons have in common is that it's something outside of myself, right?

[00:10:10] LW: It's the economy. It's my boss, it's my partner, it's my friend who's not really my friend. It's my schedule. we have a tendency in the stirring phase to project. The problem onto other people or onto other circumstances or onto other situations. This is the first phase we all go through when we're about to enter into transformation in any area of our life.

[00:10:38] LW: We start off by blaming the other person or the other thing outside of ourselves, right? there's a disconnect between. The projected cause and the actual cause. Usually as in 99.9% of the time, the actual cause of it is not the other person.

[00:10:59] LW: It's not the economy, it's not the circumstance. Those are all symptoms of the actual cost. From a spiritual perspective, which is typically how I, talk about these things. The actual cause is you, it's us. It's the person that's getting fed up with everything. We are the cause, we are the source of the disconnect, the dissonance, the issue, the problem, whatever you wanna call it.

[00:11:27] LW: Okay. We are the cause. at the. Other end of phase one, the stirring will usually arrive at the awareness that I am the cause Then I stop looking at everything else that is a symptom of the cause as the enemy. I start to see it all as an extension of the choices that I've been making or not making for however long it's taken for this situation to develop into its current state.

[00:11:58] LW: Okay, so the lie that I need to blow up my life and change things overnight. Is what will keep us stuck in that stirring phase. instead that story will start to shift when we reach the awareness that, oh, I'm the cause of all of this. And it's just like if you have, some sort of physical illness.

[00:12:24] LW: maybe it's manifesting in your arm, right? You have a crook in your arm or tennis elbow. naturally we don't see our arm as the enemy. We recognize that every part of my body is an extension of me, and so I don't need to villainize my body.

[00:12:41] LW: If anything, I'm gonna put myself in the best possible position to heal my body. And so that's where we ultimately get when we take ownership, now we're entering into the healing. Process, which takes us into phase two. Phase two. I call this phase the fantasy phase. And the fantasy phase is usually where overcompensation begins.

[00:13:07] LW: overcompensation means I'm gonna fix this situation in a few weeks, if not in a few days, by committing to a fantasy version of myself, right? I'm gonna wake up at 5:00 AM start eating perfectly. never miss a day of exercise. I'm going to cut off toxic people. I'm gonna have better boundaries with all the narcissists in my life.

[00:13:34] LW: In other words, the lie that we tell ourselves is that I'm going to overnight turn into Superman or Super woman. And I'm gonna start doing all of these behaviors that I've never done before in a consistent fashion in my whole life, which is usually why I'm in the situation in the first place. But I'm just going to wake up the next day and start doing all these new behaviors, even though my schedule is jam packed with all these responsibilities and obligations.

[00:14:04] LW: it's just gonna all work out, right. Because I'm gonna get up and say affirmations first thing in the morning, and that's gonna help me clear the space. so in phase two, when we go into overcompensation mode, what we quickly realize after attempting to be Superman or Superwoman for a week or so, we see that it's actually unsustainable.

[00:14:28] LW: this makes us feel even worse because. Now we conclude that maybe it wasn't meant to be We go back to phase one, which is I need to just blow up my life. And so there's three paths to change, okay? The blow up your life path is a legitimate path that anyone can take.

[00:14:50] LW: Speaking of Elizabeth Gilbert, she took that path. If you ever read the book, eat, pray, love, or Saw the movie, that's essentially what happened. She got to a point in a broken marriage where she decided she needed to change everything dramatically, and she took her book Advance for Eat, pray, love, and she embarked upon a journey around the world and Italy, and in India and in Bali. And the things that she did in each of those places became the story of eat, pray, love, You could argue it worked out for her.

[00:15:22] LW: The second path to transformation is called the crisis path. that's where you try to maintain the status quo, but life presents you with a crisis. It could be, a loss of some sort, a diagnosis of some sort.

[00:15:39] LW: It could be, something happening to someone in your family or one of your friends, and you have to change your life in order to help that person, that takes you to a place where you have to confront things about yourself your lifestyle or life in general that you had never fully considered before, you can change through that experience. the third path to change is usually where we get to eventually which is what I call the tortoise approach to change. The tortoise approach is what we experience in phase three of the transformation process, 

[00:16:21] LW: The collapse. I call it the collapse, which is the return to the old story. The lie being, I can't change, I'm too busy, my life is too hectic. that's where we first encounter the villain sabotaging most of our efforts to change, which is this idea of busyness.

[00:16:38] LW: As if there are people out there in the world who don't feel busy. When we say I'm too busy, we may think that we're putting ourselves in some unique category of people who are just so busy, but it just makes us quite normal because that's what normal people identify as is busy.

[00:16:58] LW: And so a part of the busyness syndrome. Are the important sounding excuses. That we tend to go to whenever we want to soothe ourselves to remaining in our comfort zone, right? And numb our ambition If you kind of look at 'em like a deck of cards, they range from. Things like, oh, I haven't eaten yet, or I'm a little tired all the way up to the big and small jokers, which are something having to do with the kids.

[00:17:33] LW: The kids need this, that, the other, or something having to do with work, right? Those are usually the big excuses that we use. I have to get this project done. I'm going on this trip. I've gotta hurry up before the vacation. I don't have time for this right now, et cetera. those excuses stay in our back pocket in those moments where our body wants to stay in the comfort zone, our body wants to stay distracted because that's what it's been conditioned to do, and we end up sabotaging our best efforts.

[00:18:04] LW: And the tortoise approach is literally what it sounds like. it's the slower path to change. In other words, it's the recognition that overnight change is not really sustainable and that maybe there are smaller inputs that I can start to coordinate within my daily life that could ultimately lead to momentum and a cumulative effect of change.

[00:18:30] LW: Right, and so this is the path that I've seen in my life and in the lives of many others as being the most sustainable, particularly when compared to the blow up your life path and the crisis path to change, both are effective, but Through the lens of long-term sustainability, if one hasn't developed those habits consistently enough so that they can be integrated within an average busy day, then usually if they fall by the wayside over time, this is why doing a medicine journey or psilocybin journey feels wonderful in the short term, but it's very hard to integrate.

[00:19:08] LW: Those, whatever the insights were on the journey, because two days prior to that, you could have been experiencing a completely different lifestyle. And it takes time for life to adjust to these insights whatever the journey happens to be. And so when we arrive at this idea that.

[00:19:31] LW: Change is possible, but it needs to be incremental. It needs to be gradual. Now we're at the yonder side of phase three, we're starting to challenge the old story that I can't change or that I'm too busy and starting to realize, huh? Maybe. It's not that I'm too busy, maybe I just haven't put myself in the right situation.

[00:19:55] LW: I haven't put myself in proximity with whatever the things are that I will ultimately need if I'm serious about making this change. And so then we enter into phase four, which I call the buy-in phase. The buy-in phase. Is where we realize that we need to have something at stake. In other words, we need something that we are going to lose if we don't follow through on the change we want to experience.

[00:20:25] LW: this could be going back to school, be taking a class, could be hiring a coach, could be making a wager with your friends, right? Something that. We'll get your attention in those moments, those frequent moments where you start to question your resolve and think to yourself, ah, I just don't have the time today.

[00:20:48] LW: And those old stories start to pound your awareness. in our weaker moments, that's when we tend to listen to those stories the most. it's a healthy approach to understand that most of us lie to ourselves. Just be honest about the lies, be honest about the fact that I'm not gonna tell myself the truth.

[00:21:12] LW: thinking that I'm gonna tell myself the truth is a lie, that can keep us stuck in this fourth phase, the buy-in phase if you look at your past, You're not gonna tell yourself the truth. Not when you're hungry, not when you're tired, not when you're running out of money.

[00:21:27] LW: And the truth is, it is possible for you to still change. The lie is, I don't have enough time, money, resources. I don't have enough rest. Those are lies, and usually those lies are perpetuated by weaker questions that we ask ourselves, right? A weak question is a question like, skipping this one day going to kill me.

[00:21:51] LW: How many times have we asked ourselves questions like that? Is eating this one little cookie gonna kill me? Obviously the answer is no. It's not gonna kill you. At least it's not gonna kill you right there in the moment.

[00:22:01] LW: So then we use that to justify taking an action that is not really aligned with our long-term goals. This is not really your surface mind that's doing this. It's your subconscious mind that knows the weaknesses, knows how to sabotage your resolve.

[00:22:18] LW: What we want to do is get in the habit of asking ourselves stronger questions. So a stronger question could be something like, is skipping this day of the thing I committed to do, it's going to help me arrive at the outcome that I'm most wanting in a quicker fashion.

[00:22:36] LW: Is eating this cookie or eating this thing going to help me arrive at the outcome that I want? Is it gonna help me establish momentum or is it going to hinder me. and so It's the same answer. No, it's not. Except that no, instead of justifying weak behavior justifies stronger behavior, right?

[00:22:57] LW: And this is the value of hiring, a coach mentor consultant advisor or somebody who may be further down the line than you, that person can help you see your blind spots, and when you're lying to yourself a little bit easier. They can help you ask yourself stronger questions because when you're looking at it from the outside, objectively, it's easy to see through the excuses, 

[00:23:25] LW: This is usually the phase where the big joker and the little joker of excuses tends to come up quite a bit. The kids, the deadlines, the drama. The whole point of using these bigger excuses is to tempt us to grapple with that busyness drug, Which is always there waiting to thwart our efforts at every turn.

[00:23:46] LW: Again, this is a protective mechanism. This is not something that is malicious. This is our body's way of adapting to whatever the environment happens to be. That environment is not necessarily what we experience on the outside. It's what we tell ourselves we're experiencing on the outside that establishes the body's relationship with the environment.

[00:24:11] LW: So if we tell ourselves that we live in a very dangerous environment or a survival type of scenario. Even if on the outside everything looks comfortable, then the body is going to react accordingly. And if this continues to happen, if these inputs continue to be experienced for years and even decades.

[00:24:35] LW: Then it's not gonna be broken overnight. It takes time. health by a thousand choices, balanced by a thousand choices. these strong versus weak actions and questions can play a massive role when it comes to moving through these different phases and ultimately allowing us to graduate.

[00:24:55] LW: The way we graduate from phase four is we get help. We get accountability. We get quality support. Quality support is not your friend who's also busy and going to battle with their resolve on a daily basis trying to show up for you and hold you accountable. No, we need to put something on the line. We need to put something at stake. And it can be different for different people. But if you paint yourself into some sort of corner, whether it's financial, whether it's volunteering, whether it's your reputation, if there's something that you're gonna potentially lose by not following through, that's how you graduate yourself from phase four and you get into phase five.

[00:25:38] LW: Otherwise, if you're telling yourself, no, no, I can do it, even though there's no. Evidence throughout your history where you've been able to sustain change on your own, right. And even if you look at someone like Elizabeth Gilbert's e Pray Love example, she blew up her life and went to these places, but she ended up studying with gurus and had mentors that helped shape her journey.

[00:26:03] LW: And so same thing with us. No matter which approach we're taking, we wanna make sure that we are putting ourselves in proximity to people who can help us see through our blind spots and hold us accountable. Otherwise, you're not really that serious. Let's be honest. 

[00:26:23] LW: When I was trying to write my first book and three and a half years after starting was nowhere close to finishing, and I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired, I was tired of my own BS telling myself I was gonna wake up at six in the morning. And then, not doing that, that I decided to put something at stake and I wrote a check for $4,000 and I made it out to a good friend of mine.

[00:26:48] LW: Who didn't need the money 'cause he already had his own money. I post dated the check for three months from that day and made up a contract. The contract said if I don't turn in the manuscript by this day and have it print ready. Then you are obligated to take this check, cash it and use it for something that has nothing to do with me.

[00:27:10] LW: And I had my friend sign it and I signed it and after that I am kid you not all kinds of time opened up and my schedule and I completely stopped BSing myself. It was like magic how that happened. And sure enough, I did finish the manuscript. I think I finished a week early in the event that I were to get sick or someone if something were to happen.

[00:27:37] LW: and I had it in the contract. You cannot accept any excuse. I don't care how important it sounds, how good it sounds. I wanted to call myself out on, all of those potential excuses. But that's how I got it done. And I've had other experiences in my life where I paid someone to teach me how to meditate properly.

[00:27:58] LW: And that experience, which it wasn't a lot of money at the time, compared to, how much money I would make in my life, but it was a lot of money compared to how much I had. that was probably the best use of money I've ever spent in my entire life because it gave me an understanding of a practice that I would go on to do a couple times a day for the next 20 something years. I've gotten so much creativity, so many ideas, so much rest, from engaging in that practice in a delightful way, not in a way where I have to force myself and convince myself to meditate on a daily basis. I actually look forward to it. I really look forward to it every day, and that was a great use of money after having gone through the process, I realized, oh my God, I never would've known this.

[00:28:41] LW: I never would've stumbled upon this. I never would've seen this on YouTube had I not paid this person to go through the experience. And that's the value of hiring experts. And then on the flip side, I once hired someone thousands of dollars to help me build out an app. I had this app idea for years and I was just obsessed with this app idea. And I made a deck and fantasized about how beneficial it would be once it got out into the world. So I joined this program where This tech person was gonna help me develop my app finally.

[00:29:15] LW: We went through the whole program and it was so difficult because I was in the process of launching a book and had so many things going on and I just didn't have a lot of time, but I figured I'm never gonna really have time, so let me just do it while I can.

[00:29:29] LW: And it got to the end of the process. We built the app and I realized I don't really like being in this app space. after that whole process. I was able to stop thinking about it. It stopped occupying all that time and attention and resources. And so that was valuable for the opposite reason, because I got rid of the thought.

[00:29:52] LW: I stopped splitting my focus, and I was able to bring my focus back to the things that I was, more passionate about at the time. sometimes spending money, spending resources may not necessarily materialize in the thing that you fantasized about, but maybe it frees you up to stop focusing on something that was never in alignment with your true purpose. That's valuable. There's value to that.

[00:30:21] LW: And so through all of those experiences. Of getting outside accountability. You will graduate from phase four and move into phase five, which becomes your new normal. And your new normal is you still just as busy as you were before, but you are now doing a little extra on top of whatever you had to do before.

[00:30:45] LW: This is never about denying your responsibilities or your obligations. This is not about neglecting anyone that you have to take care of. This is about doing all of that in a more efficient and creative way. And doing a little bit more on a regular basis so that you can continue to create the life that you ultimately want to have.

[00:31:11] LW: And so this is where the saying, if you want something done, give it to a busy person comes in because it's not just the fact that they're busy, but someone who is creative and productive serious and they honor the things that they say they're gonna do, when you ask yourself those strong questions and you make a habit out of doing that, it actually helps you edit your life a lot better because your follow through game starts to get a lot stronger.

[00:31:42] LW: And when you start following through on the things that you say you're going to do, it makes you way more mindful of committing to things. So you don't go around just agreeing to do things with people or even on your own that you know you're probably not going to follow through with. So it causes you to be more mindful.

[00:32:02] LW: Of your communication. That's a symptom of being in phase five. You're not one of those people that say yeah. You know, agreeing to everything and then being a flake and ghosting and not following through because you're, you're so used to just telling yourself lies that you don't mind. Also lying to other people.

[00:32:22] LW: When you start calling yourself on your own lies, your own stories that are not true, then you become way more intentional about the things that you say to other people. not a lot of people honestly reach phase five, the transformation process. Because getting through those first four phases, it can take a little while and it takes some focus, right?

[00:32:45] LW: Transformation is not just a singular act that we do one time. This is a byproduct of a series of dozens of decisions that we make on a daily basis Literally today, as you're watching this or listening to this, you are in the process of making dozens upon dozens of choices that are creating the kind of life that you're gonna be experiencing tomorrow.

[00:33:07] LW: Everything from what time you wake up in the morning. To what you do when you wake up in the morning, what you eat, what you wear. What you spend your first waking hours doing? Are you spending it scrolling through social media? Are you spending it in meditation and reflection? Are you journaling?

[00:33:25] LW: Are you walking? Are you getting sun? Are you watching tv? Listening to music, gossiping, how is your commute? Are you walking to work? Are you riding your bike? Are you, tuning out On a train or riding in a car and then once you get to work, how are you engaging at work with your coworkers, with your employees, with your clients and vendors? Customers? All these things matter. Everything matters, and there's no one size fits all way to engage with all these people and all these circumstances, right? It's very individual and it requires a degree of presence that most people haven't been able to tap into.

[00:34:08] LW: And this is where practices like, you know, meditation and inner work and stuff comes into play because it's not because you get to boast that you meditate, it's because it allows you to create more spaciousness in your day so that you can show up fully to those moments when you're about to make those choices and, hopefully it allows you to make the best choice, 

[00:34:31] LW: The most aligned choice for the things that you have already stated and declared this is the kind of life I want to create, life isn't just gonna create itself. You have to create it. It's just like the saying, everyone can live in the Garden of Eden, but you have to cultivate it for yourself.

[00:34:48] LW: Well, that's what our choices are. Our choices are helping to grow, nurture, and prune. The kind of life that we ultimately say because the buck stops with us. We are the ones that are supremely responsible for the life that we have now based on the choices from yesterday. And if we want to change anything, we absolutely can do that, provided that we are making different choices.

[00:35:15] LW: And that's it. Health Balance by a thousand Choices. It's the only thing that offsets imbalance or death by a thousand cuts. every day is an opportunity. Every choice matters but we don't have the energy or desire to be all mindful about every single choice we make. So we have to get into a place where we're just able to make choices casually that.

[00:35:45] LW: Are reinforcing the stronger stories that we're telling ourselves. Okay? And also recognizing that. There is no graduation point from doing this. No one is gonna reach a point where they're like, oh, okay, well I've arrived now. I'm now fully out of my comfort zone because you normalize things and even in the transformation process, once you get to phase five, which is the new normal, you normalize that.

[00:36:15] LW: And you still may slip up and start making sloppier choices. if you start making many of those sloppy choices over a long enough stretch of time, you could end up developing those old habits again Decline in your resolve, right? And whatever change you're in the process of creating for yourself right now, it's just temporary, right?

[00:36:41] LW: Eventually you're gonna reach a point where it's time to evolve some more and take on a new challenge and a new way of changing. This is actually practice for the next transformation, right? So you're taking meticulous mental notes of your blind spots, your tendencies, your stories that you continue to tell yourself to justify not following through.

[00:37:10] LW: Those are not gonna just go away. Right. So we wanna study that stuff so that when they happen again in the next moment of transformation and change, then we're able to front load the resolve and move through it a lot quicker the next time. this may be, I don't know, a five year long process. This may be a couple year long.

[00:37:32] LW: trying to write my book took me four years, And I would argue that I needed those first three and a half years of resistance in order to understand what stopping and starting feels like when it comes to birthing a book into the world. I've now, published four books and I have a fifth book on the way, which I'll tell you about in just a moment.

[00:37:59] LW: But overall, the mindset around transformation that, going through the creative process helps you to understand is that it's not about the outcome, it's more about the process. It's more about just showing up every moment and doing the best you can in that particular moment.

[00:38:17] LW: And then also you wanna look at your excuses as gremlins. I don't know if you guys remember this movie, gremlins, but. The whole thing with gremlins, there were these little monsters, and if you put water on them, they would multiply. So the saying was, they don't die, they multiply. if you start paying attention to your excuses, it's the same thing.

[00:38:38] LW: They start to multiply, they feed off of your attention. the way I like to look at excuses, and I think this is pretty helpful. we'll tell ourselves excuses that we would never wanna accept from someone else, So imagine if somebody borrowed $50,000 from you, and they were supposed to pay you back tomorrow, and they hit you with one of the excuses that you frequently Tell yourself, oh, I have a headache. I can't bring the money back. I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sick. I can't bring the money back. I'm sorry. I'm tired. I can't bring you your money. I'm sorry. Imagine if you were on the receiving end of those excuses. Maybe you would let the headache thing slide.

[00:39:23] LW: Maybe you would let the sick thing slide for a couple of days, but then eventually you'd be like, come on man. You used that excuse last time. you're full of shit. So if you would not accept that excuse from someone who owed you a large amount of money, who promised you that they were gonna bring it back on that particular day, then don't accept that excuse from yourself. I just find that's a very good way to call yourself out on your own excuses. If the excuse you use to not follow through on you is not an excuse that you would accept from somebody who owed you a lot of money. it's just a story that you're telling yourself and you know, again, opportunities to be honest with yourself about this, but also you wanna make sure that you are engaged in some sort of spiritual practice that's gonna help you be honest.

[00:40:12] LW: I've oftentimes equated. The practice of meditation as, I say it's just like Wonder Woman's lasso when she lassos you. That's her super power because what the lasso does is it makes you incapable of lying. In other words, it's a truth serum. And like that. What I found is that meditation is a truth serum.

[00:40:36] LW: It's very difficult to lie to yourself when you're under the influence of meditation, and as you're practicing on a regular basis, you'll find yourself able to call yourself out more and more. Especially when you start to give yourself the same excuses that you would not accept from someone else.

[00:40:58] LW: So that is one of the bigger utilities of the practice of meditation and I think you'll find very useful, is just being honest with yourself since there's so much deceit that's usually happening inside of, everyday life. finally. You wanna adopt an ongoing, humility about this process and don't expect it to get easier.

[00:41:23] LW: It will get easier as long as you're not expecting it to get easier. The process of transformation necessarily getting easier. What typically happens is you get better at asking yourself more empowering questions as opposed to weak questions. So that's what changes. So it's still hard sometimes to follow through.

[00:41:46] LW: usually. Before you follow through, it seems impossible and oh my God, I don't have the time or the energy. But you never, ever once regret following through every single time. this is about being process oriented as opposed to outcome oriented. Just from going through the process you start to remember, oh yeah, that's right.

[00:42:07] LW: Once I do it, I'm gonna feel great that I did it and that I'm not gonna wanna do it beforehand. it keeps happening over and over again. I need something at stake. I need to be process oriented as opposed to Outcome oriented. I need to start calling myself out on my stories.

[00:42:25] LW: I need to start asking myself stronger questions. I need to recognize that busyness is kind of like a drug that I've been using to excuse myself. I need to start to notice that I have blind spots, All of these are different actions that will help accelerate the transformation. Process this is very fresh on my mind because we just finished the year of transformation coaching program that I facilitated in my online community, which is called The Happiness Insiders. I just created this menu of seven day mini challenges and I had dozens of participants sign up a year ago, which was April of 2024, they went through four, three month long phases, and had to complete a minimum of 12 seven day mini challenges in each of those phases. These are things like going seven days without complaint, seven days in gratitude, making origami cranes and things like that, going seven days while doing random acts of kindness, seven days while eating alone at a restaurant.

[00:43:31] LW: You know, things that just kind of nudge you out of your comfort zone. Studying comedy and then it culminated in the last phase with things like writing a book, starting a podcast, doing a five minute long standup comedy set, doing, seven cold plunges, going on a trip somewhere without making plans, just having a backpack, hand washing your clothes, right?

[00:43:55] LW: Things like that. And I got to witness how people were transforming and. Seeing them move through those various phases because we would meet a couple times a month and have group coaching calls. it was a very rewarding experience for me as a facilitator and to be able to hold that space for the participants.

[00:44:16] LW: And so it culminated into this book, which is book number five. It's called The Year You Transform the Quickest Path to Changing Your Life for the better. it breaks down this transformation process. it also presents the reader with 10 challenges all based on the year of transformation coaching program.

[00:44:38] LW: Plus there's a create your own challenge template. once you go through whichever of those 10 challenges resonates with you, you are able to create your own. Challenge and continue to challenge yourself, moving forward, which is really cool. I'm excited for this to be out into the world.

[00:44:58] LW: For those of you who would like to get a copy of this book, you can get your ebook or your audiobook, which is also read by yours truly. At the year, you transform.com, which I'll announce again in the outro to this episode, as well as in the show notes of the episode. that way you can apply these principles that we're talking about in the mindset shifts that we've been talking about, in your own journey, wherever you are in the world.

[00:45:29] LW: and I think it'll be very helpful and useful for those of you who are at a point where you're tired of your own BS and you're finally ready to make a change. We're also gonna be opening up the group coaching again for another cohort, which you can also get information at the year. You transform.com for that.

[00:45:49] LW: and then that way we get a chance to work together and, you can satisfy that part of the phases of transformation where you get outside help, you get accountability. And we can have a lot of fun together. I've seen people do some pretty incredible things that are inspiring to me. And I'm a hundred percent convinced that if you go through this process, you are also going to put yourself in the best possible position to transform in ways that you probably can't imagine for yourself right now.

[00:46:24] LW: So anyway, start with grabbing a copy of the book the Year You Transform and we'll see what happens from there. All right. That's my solo episode. Thank you all so much for tuning in looking forward to hearing the reports from your experiences with the year you transform book, take care.

[00:46:46] LW: Thank you for tuning into today's solo podcast episode. If this assessment of the transformation process resonated with you, I highly recommend grabbing a copy of my newest book, which is called The Year You Transform. You can't get it on Amazon, but you can grab a copy at theyearyoutransform.com.

[00:47:05] LW: And otherwise, I look forward to seeing you back here next week with the next conversation which is gonna be with someone just like me or just like you, taking a leap of faith in the direction of their purpose, experiencing their journey of transformation.

[00:47:20] LW: And until then, keep committing to yourself. Keep asking yourself those strong questions. Keep showing up when no one's watching. And if no one's told you recently that they believe in you, I believe in you. Thank you and have a great day.